Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
