Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I need moral support for this bender
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
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