take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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