ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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