i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
