Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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