we have officially lost it.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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