so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
