I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
should my penis look like a turkey
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
