Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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