alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize