I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
