Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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