Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
