ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
