....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Everyone says I win the strip club
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
