i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
