Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
