We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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