This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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