What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
