sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
