He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
