is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
