plz talk dirty to me
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I will be naked everywhere
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
