so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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