Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
