When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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