READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
