She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
