What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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