did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
