Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize