Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I will pee on everything he values.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
