I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
