either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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