i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I need to wash the frat house off of me
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
