So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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