If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
