Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
