It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You're like the curious george of whores
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
