If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
