you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
