Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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