You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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