Where is the hickey?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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