This show inspires me to have sex in space
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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