i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize