My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I think your dad took our porno
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
