Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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