You smell like a Billy Joel song
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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