Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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