Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
She even gives head with a lisp.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
