god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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