You can't special order awesome
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
