All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
