he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Randomize