guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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