Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Drunk is not a location!
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
