the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
