I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
