you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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