a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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