Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
