Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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