Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
