My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
