He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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